1. |
||||
|
White heat and black noise
Z boson to the great void
Starlight ebb and magick glow
Unconsciousness evolves
|
||||
2. |
The dot
03:00
|
|||
|
This story starts a long time ago in a galaxy called the milky way.
This was a hideous place, full of ugly rocks, gruesome slime, and orbs of exploding fire.
One day something bizarre and inexplicable shimmered in the cosmic night.
A dot, a speck, a twinkle of light glistening on the inky firmament.
And with each new dawn this dot grew imperceptibly larger and brighter until,
if you squinted your eyes, you could see that this was an intergalactic spaceship
glistening red and green as it falls towards the event horizon
of a nearby supermassive black hole.
The elephant man is peacefully asleep at the controls of his spaceship dreaming
about a mermaid with a dog’s lips, when he is rudely awoken by an insistent alarm.
Bleary eyed he peers through his head sack hole to see that he is in danger of
slipping over the event horizon of the previously black hole. He desperately flails at
the controls, but he can do nothing but smoke a cigarette and wait for the inevitable spaghettification.
|
||||
3. |
||||
|
Faster faster ion drive light speed times 85
Super nova polarised, raining blue sunshine
Falling down heterodyne, Distance = speed time times
The past flows past my eyes as the ship splits the sky
Black hole white hole worm hole as my mind loses control
Autumnal equinox is a data paradox
As we cross the event horizon a dot weights a million tons
Supermassive gravity to the singularity
|
||||
4. |
1000mg
00:29
|
|||
|
Where once was spaghetti
Now lies a shattered bloke
Fuzzy eye and tinctured gob
As relevant as an old edition of the Radio Times
He guides his fractured craft to the moon of planet Gnu
And reaches for the paracetamol, 1000mg
|
||||
5. |
||||
|
Microbial in his capsule
Danced around the sun, Perihelion
Psychedelic tweed, spooky sonic seed
He hallucinated that her eyes flowed with orange custard
The man in the moon is the elephant man
Ubiquitous, rebellious
Smelly Jupiter, this is Beautiful,
Gaudy Black hole, paracetamol
The actor laughed at this toothless worm music
|
||||
6. |
||||
|
Joseph Merrick kicked back in his stripy deck chair on the ancient lunar surface sucking pickled onions. He squinted down at the bleak globe below and observed that he was alone, his disposition progressed too melancholic. So, he entered a series of prime numbers into his Astro-suit CPU and a genesis probe shot from his spaceship towards this lifeless world.
|
||||
7. |
Terraforming
00:17
|
|||
8. |
||||
|
Wake up you sleepy head in the world’s smallest bed
To see my favourite prokaryote, I need an electron microscope
Turquoise, Tangerine, Crimson, Aqua Marine, Ruby or raspberry
Who knows what colour the dinosaurs really were?
Oxygenic photosynthesise in Van Leavanhook’s petri dish
Thousand on the head of a pin, a billion of you cover my skin
|
||||
9. |
We are the sponges
01:35
|
|||
|
We are the sponges that your parents warned you about
We like to sing and party till the sun comes out
We are the sponges, we just know how to absorb
Spend all day lazing around the briny ocean floor
We are the sponges, best mates of the bladder wrack
One day we’ll reside by the non-slip shower mat
We are the sponges who dream of biology
Just sat here waiting for the singularity
|
||||
10. |
Twisted tardigrades
00:18
|
|||
|
Twisted tardigrades, Zem and Zim, semi sentient, as indestructible as a nanotube captain scarlet. Cognizant of an electromagnetic malevolence in the deep gloom of this embryonic ocean.
|
||||
11. |
||||
|
Let me take you on a liquid voyage to the bottom of a spooky ocean
A goth robot here resides, glossy metal Rip van winkle
The moon was drunk with a glamorous eye and yet she oozed a jelly mitten
Gruesome gooseberry pie, finished off with a nice cup of tea.
|
||||
12. |
Robot girl robot boy
04:34
|
|||
|
I wrote this song for you ‘cause you’re beautiful
Your Tungsten lips are oddly kissable
So, will you kick start my mechanical heart?
I was as lonely as a Voyager probe
But when I look at you my circuitry explodes
So, won’t you be my robotic valentine?
It’s the same old-fashioned story
A candle lit laboratory
Robot girl meets robot boy
Of all the planets in the universe
You had to log on to my network
Robot girl meets robot boy
I want to login to your recycle bin
Do you believe in silicon romance?
So, won’t you give this Cyberman a chance
If you’ll be Arcee I’ll be Optimism Prime
The girl next door with the calculator eyes
Your circuitry I want to analyse
I can’t resist your floppy disk
|
||||
13. |
Vivacious herrings
00:17
|
|||
|
The robot devours seaweed, becomes delirious, and shares a hallucinogenic
daydream with the octopi. Intelligence tumbles into this biosphere like vivacious
herrings dropping from the sky. The octopi embrace perception of the singularity.
|
||||
14. |
Under the sea of love
02:32
|
|||
|
Under the sea of love, all aboard the submarine
we’re floating in inner space while flying through the universe
Under the sea of love, the sea horse brayed while the cat meowed
If I could live my life again, I’d be a Siphonophore
Under the sea of love, all the fish can read your mind
so well hide from the killer whale, actually he's a real cool guy
Under the sea of love, with all my plankton friends
and the dolphin who came to tea, singing jellyfish lullabies
|
||||
15. |
Octopus I love you
02:47
|
|||
|
I think it's great that you've got eight wobbly arms
I can never see you with your crazy camouflage
I think you're bostin, you are surreal
Better than the fish, the sharks and even the Conger Eel
Because...
I love you, Octopus
I wish I was as rich as the English king and queen
I'd spend my money on a brand-new submarine
I'd swim with the dolphins like Jacques Cousteau
In the end of the evening, we'll have a big fish disco
|
||||
16. |
||||
|
The original fish to leave the sea was Jemima, she had a membrane of a thousand hues and meandering x-ray eyes.
|
||||
17. |
||||
18. |
||||
|
It’s so cold in the water, down here with the placoderms and the spiny sharks
There’s no god down here, just the stench of saline and the long, long night
I got a killer idea, it’s time to get out of here and swim to the light
This is the day the fish crawled out the sea
And now were breathing real air, feel the sun on my fins, taste of salt in my gills
I got a killer idea, time to grow a real spine and reach for the stars
|
||||
19. |
||||
|
And now the shipping forecast issued by Greggs the Baker, on behalf of the Mesozoic Maritime and Gnu Department of Psychiatry, at 1725 UTC on Sunday 27th January 66 million years BC.
There are warnings of gales in Wigston Magna and Hedgehog.
The general synopsis at midday - Grumpy just west of Hedgehog 996 expected southeast Hedgehog 1005 by bedtime. Giggling pterodactyls expected Wigston Magna 1005 and southeast, Cat implosion 1007 by same time.
The area forecasts for the next 24 hours.
Bleakness, North Bumble bee - Westerly 4 or 5, but 6 at first in face, becoming perverted 3 or 4.
Moderate Herring showers. Mainly alcoholic. Lost contact lens hidden on ankle
South Bumble bee, East Chromosome - Northwesterly backing southwesterly 3 or 4, occasionally mutilated at first. Slight or moderate mitochondria. Bombinate rabidly
West Chromosome, Crimson weasel fetish – Spongey southerly 4 or 5, increasing 6.
Wonky effervescence. Avoid rambunctious anchovies
Weirdo, Swamp monster - Northwest backing south even downwards 4 or 5. Slight deformity.
Ethereal swamp gas, Fuzzy Jigsaw, Meteorite, Cat implosion - Potential robotic sea monster alert
Amoeba, Hairy Nostalgia - South 5 to 7, becoming cyclonic 4 or 5 later. Charismatic.
Rain then karmic showers, occasionally gravy
Microwave, Wormhole - South or southwest veering west or northwest 5 or 6. Despicable. Rain then more rain. Onomatopoeia
Ambiguous haircut (issued 0015 UTC) - North, backing northwest, 5 or 6. Moderate or dimpled, occasionally psychotic in southeast. Occasional vellichor
Wigston Magna - West becoming cyclonic 5 to 7, perhaps gale 8 later. Rough, very very curvy.
Rain or showers. Great, flamboyantly deformed slime mold.
South Wigston - South or southeast 5 to 7, becoming cyclonic 5 or 6 later. Quintessential yet hunky dory. Rain then no rain followed by rain and then no rain. Barnacles occasionally lactating.
Spinx - West veering northwest 5 to 7. Shooting laser beam from left eye, Showers. Diplodocus goosebumps
Orangutang-alang-ading-dong - Cyclonic, mainly westerly 5 or 6. Moderate bacteria. Rain then thundery owls. Fiasco Pyroclastic flows.
Axolotl - West veering northwest 5 or 6. Kaleidoscope. Thundery showers. Zombie rat aroma permeates the delicious xylophone.
|
||||
20. |
The walrus operator
00:34
|
|||
|
This is the walrus operator, transmitting from a parallel dimension to the elephant man. Message begins...
You reside in an energetic universe. You will never die, but your energy will be transfigured.
I look forward to the time when I can join you again as a gamma ray traversing the Hercules–Corona Borealis Great Wall. Godspeed you fantastic monster!
|
||||
21. |
||||
|
It was a calamitous time for the Realm of Arachnia, they allowed fools and fabricators to subjugate and turned against the federation of 8 legged beasts. They erected UFOs and journeyed through a wormhole fissure to inhabit the angles and fractures of this dusty
sphere. Residing within a crease of poorly glued woodchip, in living rooms up and down
the land. Watching, secretly observing through a diminutive telescope. Waiting, plotting
my future demise through whisky or freak localised weather incident
Here is a reverberation of one conceivable future Michael and Isaac are overjoyed to
announce that they found a biro down the back of their brown sofa, regrettably though
this news was tempered with the discovery of a remote control for a television that was
licked by a False black widow.
You never see ancient spiders only the young, maybe they retire to a convalescence home,
blue rinse under hair rollers 4 pairs of comfortable slippers. Do spiders come from outer
space? The remainder of song features no words, so that you can reflect upon this question.
|
||||
22. |
||||
|
We share our world of beautiful sunsets, we share our sky with the micro raptor,
we share our sea with the Pliosaurus. Under the monkey puzzle tree. Monkey! Monkey!
|
||||
23. |
||||
|
Due to an overflow miscalculation whilst initialising the genesis probe, some mammalian
lifeforms were unfortunately not seeded. We wish to apologies for the lack of otters in this story.
|
||||
24. |
The gnu is your guru
01:39
|
|||
|
Having one of those days when everything does wrong?
just sit back and join us with our little song.
Listen to the Gnu that is deep inside of you
No need to be blue when the Gnu is your guru
He ain’t no bison, Buffalo, or beast,
he is champion, he is the bee’s knees
He dons a top hat, ‘tash and monocle,
and dances around on a red unicycle
He’ll stick beside you until the bitter end
This gnu loves you and he is your best friend
|
||||
25. |
Vapour fortress
00:42
|
|||
26. |
Cobwebs and shadows
03:46
|
|||
|
A secret love affair up the creaky stairs
Tonight, the moonlight sparkled lonely in the cobwebs and shadows
This waxing ecstasy of a bumble bee
Oh lord my eyelids weight a hundred million tons
The monsters near your bed are really in your head
Sleep is a velvet puddle filled with castles and magic
Gently paralysed by your bedroom eyes a stormy dawn chorus line sings this melody
It was sublime, we drunk red wine, you rubbed your private parts all over mine
But in the morning, you were gone. So, I put the kettle on
Sometimes I’m watching while you sleep
I wrap my arms around my lazy lover and count some sheep
So, rest tonight my woozy darling
I’ll kiss you when a sunbeam cracks the sky tomorrow morning
A spaceship on the horizon they’re running scared from a super-nova
and spy a new home
|
||||
27. |
||||
28. |
||||
|
“This universe is a bit bonkers really” lamented Merrick studying the bottom of his glass, “there’s no satsumas, otters or 1 minute instant porridge”.
However, it did have abundance sediments of Hexadecacarbonyastrapulvisite, or as it is known in some of the less desirable neighbourhoods of Wigston Magna - Space Dust.
At therapeutic doses, Space dust causes emotional and cognitive effects such as extra dimensional experiences, burping, athlete’s foot, and an overwhelming desire to yawn whilst wearing mittens.
|
||||
29. |
||||
|
Under my skin sleeps a skeleton
Out of his mind at 2 AM
Lips as dry as tumbleweed, oozing toxic medicine
I dreamt I was an fly in amber
Forever trapped in space and time
Now all I have is a beard of madness
Back of the horse in a pantomime
I was born in the wrong dimension
Cruelness and savagery
Here I’m just a side show freak
A carnival of atrocity
I am not a monster
I am not abominable
I am not an elephant
I am not an animal
I watched a film inside my mind
About a boy with a crooked disguise
Forever stuck in a spider’s web
But he failed to realise
I am the bogeyman
I am the adversary
I am the scapegoat
I am the enemy
|
||||
30. |
Shed
01:32
|
|||
|
There is a wormhole in my garden, just to the left of the old shed with the creaky door that doesn’t shut properly so I lean an old spade up against it as a makeshift lock.
One afternoon, I accidently stepped on this portal with my 1914 Dr Martens and was transported to a wonderful land of enchanted castles, frilly shirts, and Morris dancing snakes.
In this parallel reality I was a lord with dominion over a race of scented tulips who waged a war against an ancient evil Baron. A sinister rogue, with penchant for meteorology.
Dogs had two heads, worms lack gravity, and all the children ate tinned pineapple rings for supper.
I still miss that shed.
|
||||
31. |
Bumblebee
03:27
|
|||
|
She’s always welcome in my garden.
Hides under a leaf in April showers
A stripy girl from Borussia Dortmund
When she’s tired she sleeps in a flower
Do you know what you are? You’re a super star!
Bumblebee, bumblebee
Just like a wasp with a nice personality
Bumblebee, bumblebee
Some would say your overweight, well I disagree
A black and yellow fuzzy spaceship
with a humongous, great big hairy bum
Thank you very much for the pollination.
collecting nectar all summer long
|
||||
32. |
||||
|
Woke up to an explosion. A flying saucer on my decking
Like a Roswell Garden centre. The topiary is cream crackered.
And I was planning to build a maze
If it’s not too much to ask, get that spaceship off my grass
UFO broke my patio get that spaceship off my gazebo
Fuselage on hydrangea
Gyroscope in water feature
my Garden gnome has fallen over
Charred remains of lawn mower
Radioactive fat head minnow
My shrubbery will never be the same
While creosoting the larch lap on a very waspy afternoon, the goth android calculated giddiness from a blend of codswallop and two cans of medium strength robot lager. This tranquil picture was corrupted by the wreckage of an intergalactic spaceship in the vicinity of his rose garden, this left him both flummoxed and somewhat miffed.
What is the etiquette for crash landing on private property?
It was reminiscent of a squabble he had with a gormless elephantine pillock who lost his mind on a combination of space-dust, marmalade soldiers, and grotesque bacterial disillusionment. I digress.
Everyone is walking around with a time machine inside their head
|
||||
33. |
Underwater ghosts
00:40
|
|||
|
The doors of the horticulturally displaced star cruiser made a sound like cheese swimming through twisted helical polymer chains and opened to reveal Godzilla, emperor of the dinosaurs with unspeakable moustaches.
“I am being haunted by underwater ghosts” he roared whilst rubbing his salt and pepper mutton chops. And with that, 120673901 dinosaurs fell from the stars and made this world their own.
|
||||
34. |
||||
|
King Caesar – backfire, dog head behemoth
Minilla – scrappy doo, just a pinch of rubber
Hedorah – lady eyes, asbestos pollution
Mothra – a hurricane, beats her wings of thunder
I know it’s a special effect, a Japanese bloke in latex
But it’s still magic to me!
Godzilla in the sky with x-ray eyes
King Kong – Gorilla guy, climbs up skyscraper
Rodan – pterosaur sleeps in a volcano
Gidorah – Three headed, dragon from venus
Orga – hunched back, from a UFO
Let me take your hand, and run through this scary land
God speed you fantastic monster!
|
||||
35. |
I am the brontosaurus
03:37
|
|||
|
My life, it sucks so much, it’s a dreadful mess
So, at night I read about Metamorphosis
So tired of being a big fat zero
I wanna be a superhero
Take of my specs to show that I
I am the brontosaurus
Faster than cheetah pyjamas
Bigger than a walrus toothbrush
As strong as the mighty ferret
I am the brontosaurus
Sticky like a sticky insect
Curvy as a pod of dolphins
Wiser than a peregrine falcon
I am the brontosaurus
Sometimes I cringe about past awkwardness
But now I dance about in fancy a dress,
it’s been a great success!
Wanna give the old me the elbow
Live my life like there’s no tomorrow
With Sancho Panza right by my side
|
||||
36. |
Sporks and trombones
00:38
|
|||
|
Godzilla, The Emperor of the Dinosaurs with terrifying whiskers witnessed this new world with weary eyes.
Its natural abundance was satisfactory, but this new dinosaur population demanded infrastructure and extravagant consumer commodities. He commanded that his engineering cronies get to work and without much ado many wondrous contraptions materialised including sporks, the trombone, magic tree air fresheners, and a branch of Greggs the bakers in every hamlet.
There was much rejoicing throughout the land!
|
||||
37. |
||||
|
Just before the start of
the fabulous and crazy cretaceous age
when cold blood was fashionable
A pink dinosaur appeared upon the stage
Everybody was miserable
so, she opened a club called Trixie d's
They sang and sipped champaign
disco night tonight with live strip tease
And they danced all night on a rainbow sky
cheek to cheek with a diplodocus guy
Everyone loves burlesquing
Everyone loves misbehaving
Now all the brontosaurus,
square and past it from the dino government
They frowned upon dancing
feather boas and outrageous merriment
But when no one’s watching
they sneak in through the backfire doors
‘Cause even the bureaucrats
want to party all night at Madam Trixie Delors
|
||||
38. |
Stegosaurus stomp
03:06
|
|||
|
Shimmy to the left, shimmy to the right
Boogie on down the dance hall tonight
Thagomizer out Thagomizer in
Lift your tail up and do us a spin
He’ll come and stomp on you
Ya tiny mind goes to mush
Jump up and down on you
Broken bones turn to dust
Spikey tail Up, spikey tail down
These guys never mess around
Dermal plates off, dermal plates on
3 tons of vegetarian
I kissed a dinosaur and I liked it very much
I licked a brontosaur it tasted like blancmange
Stegosaurus underwear
Stegosaurus smell
Stegosaurus dentures
Stegosaurus socks
Stegosaurus and chips
Stegosaurus with one eye
Stegosaurus in Poundland
|
||||
39. |
||||
40. |
||||
|
This songs about mammoths in case you couldn't tell
And if you don’t like mammoths it aint gonna go very well
Cause we dig mammoths, lovely cuddly mammoths
Cause we dig mammoths, lovely cuddly woolly mammoths
|
||||
41. |
||||
|
Joseph Merrick is awoken by the sound of two pterodactyls bickering over a Sha-nag cadaver. His cranium fuzzy from dust, surrounded by a decaying dinosaur culture. The rivers are lined with discarded fast-food containers. A plastic bag incarcerated by hawthorn and tortured by the wind into a grimy banderol. The acrid spiky air strips all colours from the landscape, washed-out gloss and saccharin cheapness. He reminisces about a simpler space-time continuum and resolves to jump to the next dimension.
|
||||
42. |
||||
|
Congratulation on your purchase of the Greggs SR1 time machine, a state-of-the-art temporal displacement device designed for billions of years of effortless operation. Your friends at Greggs interdimensional travel services want you to responsibly enjoy your time machine, so kindly observe the following instructions for its safe operation.
To construct your time apparatus, please follow the instructions on pages 17 to 36 of the user guide. it is advised that the ancillary photon accumulator is attached to the polyhedral tesla mount prior to fitting the sequential quantiser. Any attempts to contact an earlier version of yourself will invalidate this warranty. Spaghettification, gamma ray bursts, or red wine stains are also not covered. Do not time travel under the influence of alcohol, space dust or antipsychotic medication. When in contact with entities comprised of pure energy please try to be nice. Due to the inherent randomness of most universes, it may be wise to wear a bowler hat when exiting this machine.
Unfortunately, this time machine is not wheelchair accessible. The assassination of the grandparents of historical dictators may result in greater future loss of life. Under no circumstances should jelly be transported in your time machine. Please ensure that all dentures are secured prior to use.
For further details please consult the operational manual
|
||||
43. |
Control-Alt-Delete
00:45
|
|||
|
All living things will protect themselves when attacked, and solar systems are no exception. The instability caused by the dinosaur’s excessive demands for synthetic leather trousers could not be sustained without damage to the planet’s atmosphere. Industrial fumes cough over the landscape suffocating voles and staining rivers burnt sienna. The natives of this sickly sphere are too self-obsessed to notice another small dot shimmering in the dusky sky, nature was preparing to press control-alt-delete.
|
||||
44. |
Total eclipse of the sun
05:52
|
|||
|
Because where flying around a spinning sun
The moon creeps over the horizon
The shimmering rays of yesterday’s rain
oh, mother nature has gone insane
It’s a total eclipse of the sun
Its scaring everyone, there's nowhere left to run
So, go to your safe and happy place
Put a pillow on your face, find someone to embrace
The planets waltz in a cosmic dance
Is this real or happenstance?
The dungeon walls are an animation
are we just pixels in a simulation?
This is the future, and it is rubbish
To many plastic bags washed up on the shore
Were trapped inside mathematics
The cell divides and it builds a dinosaur
The designer is psychotic
He can see the tree, deep inside the acorn
|
||||
45. |
Meteorite
04:36
|
|||
|
We sat and watched a meteorite
crimson satellite in the sky
I’d forgotten all those sleepless nights
waiting for your lullaby
Well, it’s not the end of the world
just the ebbing of our tide
Smoking cigarettes in the acid rain
Buried in a landslide, a landslide
She melts into the wilderness
and sadly, whispered goodbye
Don’t forget you are the universe
and I’ll see you the other side, the other side
Life is short and full of joy
and then out the blue, comes an asteroid
|
||||
46. |
||||
|
And in the end, all that remains is a scarred and grimy world. Dust maelstroms sliver over volcanos, strangling the evening and freezing the sun to the horizon. The endless void soaks into grottos and blankets the mesa. This darkness contaminates the cerebellum of the pterodactyl and the wilting tyrannosaurus.
Godzilla and the goth robot join hands and slowly submerge into the blustery ocean, they hibernate. The elephant man stumbles haplessly across a dying neutron star as the octopi slumber.
The moon is an impassive sentinel, the simulation continues to run on the hyper quantum computer within its core. Coefficients are analysed, the smog dissipates, and time reverses until the biosphere is restored once again.
In a burrow a vole has a lucid dream about interstellar space travel, this is now his world.
Godspeed you fantastic monster!
|
||||
47. |
||||
|
Don't wanna live on this planet anymore
said the fish to the Chimpanzee
We did fine until the humans arrived
We should have never left the sea
Have you ever wondered where it all went wrong?
We should have stayed up in the trees
a belly full of wild fruit and nuts
and at night the birds and bees
Well, its ok, ‘cause everybody feels that way
there're too scared to admit to you
that they haven't got a clue
Maybe evolution is upside down?
and Mr Darwin got it wrong?
we should be flying through outer space
instead of making atom bombs
Well, I am just a simple man
And I don't know how to stop the war
All I’ve got is this old guitar
and some songs about dinosaurs
I can dance on a rainbow
And stretch my arms across the sea
I’ll never forget my distant cousin
The monkey who fell from the tree
|
||||
Dalmatian Rex and the Eigentones Leicester, UK
Dalmatian Rex and the Eigentones are Leicester's finest purveyor of weirdness since 1997. Their music is a combination of Paul Lunn’s of the wall lyrics backed by angular guitars and strange synths.
Dalmatian Rex and the Eigentones recommends:
Isolation
by The Evil Genius Organisation
cause its great!
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featured on Bandcamp Radio Jan 26, 2016
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Ten years may have passed since the last Bellini record, but the math rock group sound as fierce as ever.
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