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Dinosaurs and other magnificent mesozoic monstrosities

by Dalmatian rex and the Eigentones

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    This is a 47-track double CD album which follows the adventures of the elephant man who terraforms planet Gnu, wakes up a goth robot who lives under the sea, and is invaded by a race of nomadic space dinosaurs who love seaside bric-a-brac.

    Comes in a colourful gatefold sleeve, with colour A3 poster/lyric sheets

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1.
White heat and black noise Z boson to the great void Starlight ebb and magick glow Unconsciousness evolves
2.
The dot 03:00
This story starts a long time ago in a galaxy called the milky way. This was a hideous place, full of ugly rocks, gruesome slime, and orbs of exploding fire. One day something bizarre and inexplicable shimmered in the cosmic night. A dot, a speck, a twinkle of light glistening on the inky firmament. And with each new dawn this dot grew imperceptibly larger and brighter until, if you squinted your eyes, you could see that this was an intergalactic spaceship glistening red and green as it falls towards the event horizon of a nearby supermassive black hole. The elephant man is peacefully asleep at the controls of his spaceship dreaming about a mermaid with a dog’s lips, when he is rudely awoken by an insistent alarm. Bleary eyed he peers through his head sack hole to see that he is in danger of slipping over the event horizon of the previously black hole. He desperately flails at the controls, but he can do nothing but smoke a cigarette and wait for the inevitable spaghettification.
3.
Faster faster ion drive light speed times 85 Super nova polarised, raining blue sunshine Falling down heterodyne, Distance = speed time times The past flows past my eyes as the ship splits the sky Black hole white hole worm hole as my mind loses control Autumnal equinox is a data paradox As we cross the event horizon a dot weights a million tons Supermassive gravity to the singularity
4.
1000mg 00:29
Where once was spaghetti Now lies a shattered bloke Fuzzy eye and tinctured gob As relevant as an old edition of the Radio Times He guides his fractured craft to the moon of planet Gnu And reaches for the paracetamol, 1000mg
5.
Microbial in his capsule Danced around the sun, Perihelion Psychedelic tweed, spooky sonic seed He hallucinated that her eyes flowed with orange custard The man in the moon is the elephant man Ubiquitous, rebellious Smelly Jupiter, this is Beautiful, Gaudy Black hole, paracetamol The actor laughed at this toothless worm music
6.
Joseph Merrick kicked back in his stripy deck chair on the ancient lunar surface sucking pickled onions. He squinted down at the bleak globe below and observed that he was alone, his disposition progressed too melancholic. So, he entered a series of prime numbers into his Astro-suit CPU and a genesis probe shot from his spaceship towards this lifeless world.
7.
Terraforming 00:17
8.
Wake up you sleepy head in the world’s smallest bed To see my favourite prokaryote, I need an electron microscope Turquoise, Tangerine, Crimson, Aqua Marine, Ruby or raspberry Who knows what colour the dinosaurs really were? Oxygenic photosynthesise in Van Leavanhook’s petri dish Thousand on the head of a pin, a billion of you cover my skin
9.
We are the sponges that your parents warned you about We like to sing and party till the sun comes out We are the sponges, we just know how to absorb Spend all day lazing around the briny ocean floor We are the sponges, best mates of the bladder wrack One day we’ll reside by the non-slip shower mat We are the sponges who dream of biology Just sat here waiting for the singularity
10.
Twisted tardigrades, Zem and Zim, semi sentient, as indestructible as a nanotube captain scarlet. Cognizant of an electromagnetic malevolence in the deep gloom of this embryonic ocean.
11.
Let me take you on a liquid voyage to the bottom of a spooky ocean A goth robot here resides, glossy metal Rip van winkle The moon was drunk with a glamorous eye and yet she oozed a jelly mitten Gruesome gooseberry pie, finished off with a nice cup of tea.
12.
I wrote this song for you ‘cause you’re beautiful Your Tungsten lips are oddly kissable So, will you kick start my mechanical heart? I was as lonely as a Voyager probe But when I look at you my circuitry explodes So, won’t you be my robotic valentine? It’s the same old-fashioned story A candle lit laboratory Robot girl meets robot boy Of all the planets in the universe You had to log on to my network Robot girl meets robot boy I want to login to your recycle bin Do you believe in silicon romance? So, won’t you give this Cyberman a chance If you’ll be Arcee I’ll be Optimism Prime The girl next door with the calculator eyes Your circuitry I want to analyse I can’t resist your floppy disk
13.
The robot devours seaweed, becomes delirious, and shares a hallucinogenic daydream with the octopi. Intelligence tumbles into this biosphere like vivacious herrings dropping from the sky. The octopi embrace perception of the singularity.
14.
Under the sea of love, all aboard the submarine we’re floating in inner space while flying through the universe Under the sea of love, the sea horse brayed while the cat meowed If I could live my life again, I’d be a Siphonophore Under the sea of love, all the fish can read your mind so well hide from the killer whale, actually he's a real cool guy Under the sea of love, with all my plankton friends and the dolphin who came to tea, singing jellyfish lullabies
15.
I think it's great that you've got eight wobbly arms I can never see you with your crazy camouflage I think you're bostin, you are surreal Better than the fish, the sharks and even the Conger Eel Because... I love you, Octopus I wish I was as rich as the English king and queen I'd spend my money on a brand-new submarine I'd swim with the dolphins like Jacques Cousteau In the end of the evening, we'll have a big fish disco
16.
The original fish to leave the sea was Jemima, she had a membrane of a thousand hues and meandering x-ray eyes.
17.
18.
It’s so cold in the water, down here with the placoderms and the spiny sharks There’s no god down here, just the stench of saline and the long, long night I got a killer idea, it’s time to get out of here and swim to the light This is the day the fish crawled out the sea And now were breathing real air, feel the sun on my fins, taste of salt in my gills I got a killer idea, time to grow a real spine and reach for the stars
19.
And now the shipping forecast issued by Greggs the Baker, on behalf of the Mesozoic Maritime and Gnu Department of Psychiatry, at 1725 UTC on Sunday 27th January 66 million years BC. There are warnings of gales in Wigston Magna and Hedgehog. The general synopsis at midday - Grumpy just west of Hedgehog 996 expected southeast Hedgehog 1005 by bedtime. Giggling pterodactyls expected Wigston Magna 1005 and southeast, Cat implosion 1007 by same time. The area forecasts for the next 24 hours. Bleakness, North Bumble bee - Westerly 4 or 5, but 6 at first in face, becoming perverted 3 or 4. Moderate Herring showers. Mainly alcoholic. Lost contact lens hidden on ankle South Bumble bee, East Chromosome - Northwesterly backing southwesterly 3 or 4, occasionally mutilated at first. Slight or moderate mitochondria. Bombinate rabidly West Chromosome, Crimson weasel fetish – Spongey southerly 4 or 5, increasing 6. Wonky effervescence. Avoid rambunctious anchovies Weirdo, Swamp monster - Northwest backing south even downwards 4 or 5. Slight deformity. Ethereal swamp gas, Fuzzy Jigsaw, Meteorite, Cat implosion - Potential robotic sea monster alert Amoeba, Hairy Nostalgia - South 5 to 7, becoming cyclonic 4 or 5 later. Charismatic. Rain then karmic showers, occasionally gravy Microwave, Wormhole - South or southwest veering west or northwest 5 or 6. Despicable. Rain then more rain. Onomatopoeia Ambiguous haircut (issued 0015 UTC) - North, backing northwest, 5 or 6. Moderate or dimpled, occasionally psychotic in southeast. Occasional vellichor Wigston Magna - West becoming cyclonic 5 to 7, perhaps gale 8 later. Rough, very very curvy. Rain or showers. Great, flamboyantly deformed slime mold. South Wigston - South or southeast 5 to 7, becoming cyclonic 5 or 6 later. Quintessential yet hunky dory. Rain then no rain followed by rain and then no rain. Barnacles occasionally lactating. Spinx - West veering northwest 5 to 7. Shooting laser beam from left eye, Showers. Diplodocus goosebumps Orangutang-alang-ading-dong - Cyclonic, mainly westerly 5 or 6. Moderate bacteria. Rain then thundery owls. Fiasco Pyroclastic flows. Axolotl - West veering northwest 5 or 6. Kaleidoscope. Thundery showers. Zombie rat aroma permeates the delicious xylophone.
20.
This is the walrus operator, transmitting from a parallel dimension to the elephant man. Message begins... You reside in an energetic universe. You will never die, but your energy will be transfigured. I look forward to the time when I can join you again as a gamma ray traversing the Hercules–Corona Borealis Great Wall. Godspeed you fantastic monster!
21.
It was a calamitous time for the Realm of Arachnia, they allowed fools and fabricators to subjugate and turned against the federation of 8 legged beasts. They erected UFOs and journeyed through a wormhole fissure to inhabit the angles and fractures of this dusty sphere. Residing within a crease of poorly glued woodchip, in living rooms up and down the land. Watching, secretly observing through a diminutive telescope. Waiting, plotting my future demise through whisky or freak localised weather incident Here is a reverberation of one conceivable future Michael and Isaac are overjoyed to announce that they found a biro down the back of their brown sofa, regrettably though this news was tempered with the discovery of a remote control for a television that was licked by a False black widow. You never see ancient spiders only the young, maybe they retire to a convalescence home, blue rinse under hair rollers 4 pairs of comfortable slippers. Do spiders come from outer space? The remainder of song features no words, so that you can reflect upon this question.
22.
We share our world of beautiful sunsets, we share our sky with the micro raptor, we share our sea with the Pliosaurus. Under the monkey puzzle tree. Monkey! Monkey!
23.
Due to an overflow miscalculation whilst initialising the genesis probe, some mammalian lifeforms were unfortunately not seeded. We wish to apologies for the lack of otters in this story.
24.
Having one of those days when everything does wrong? just sit back and join us with our little song. Listen to the Gnu that is deep inside of you No need to be blue when the Gnu is your guru He ain’t no bison, Buffalo, or beast, he is champion, he is the bee’s knees He dons a top hat, ‘tash and monocle, and dances around on a red unicycle He’ll stick beside you until the bitter end This gnu loves you and he is your best friend
25.
26.
A secret love affair up the creaky stairs Tonight, the moonlight sparkled lonely in the cobwebs and shadows This waxing ecstasy of a bumble bee Oh lord my eyelids weight a hundred million tons The monsters near your bed are really in your head Sleep is a velvet puddle filled with castles and magic Gently paralysed by your bedroom eyes a stormy dawn chorus line sings this melody It was sublime, we drunk red wine, you rubbed your private parts all over mine But in the morning, you were gone. So, I put the kettle on Sometimes I’m watching while you sleep I wrap my arms around my lazy lover and count some sheep So, rest tonight my woozy darling I’ll kiss you when a sunbeam cracks the sky tomorrow morning A spaceship on the horizon they’re running scared from a super-nova and spy a new home
27.
28.
“This universe is a bit bonkers really” lamented Merrick studying the bottom of his glass, “there’s no satsumas, otters or 1 minute instant porridge”. However, it did have abundance sediments of Hexadecacarbonyastrapulvisite, or as it is known in some of the less desirable neighbourhoods of Wigston Magna - Space Dust. At therapeutic doses, Space dust causes emotional and cognitive effects such as extra dimensional experiences, burping, athlete’s foot, and an overwhelming desire to yawn whilst wearing mittens.
29.
Under my skin sleeps a skeleton Out of his mind at 2 AM Lips as dry as tumbleweed, oozing toxic medicine I dreamt I was an fly in amber Forever trapped in space and time Now all I have is a beard of madness Back of the horse in a pantomime I was born in the wrong dimension Cruelness and savagery Here I’m just a side show freak A carnival of atrocity I am not a monster I am not abominable I am not an elephant I am not an animal I watched a film inside my mind About a boy with a crooked disguise Forever stuck in a spider’s web But he failed to realise I am the bogeyman I am the adversary I am the scapegoat I am the enemy
30.
Shed 01:32
There is a wormhole in my garden, just to the left of the old shed with the creaky door that doesn’t shut properly so I lean an old spade up against it as a makeshift lock. One afternoon, I accidently stepped on this portal with my 1914 Dr Martens and was transported to a wonderful land of enchanted castles, frilly shirts, and Morris dancing snakes. In this parallel reality I was a lord with dominion over a race of scented tulips who waged a war against an ancient evil Baron. A sinister rogue, with penchant for meteorology. Dogs had two heads, worms lack gravity, and all the children ate tinned pineapple rings for supper. I still miss that shed.
31.
Bumblebee 03:27
She’s always welcome in my garden. Hides under a leaf in April showers A stripy girl from Borussia Dortmund When she’s tired she sleeps in a flower Do you know what you are? You’re a super star! Bumblebee, bumblebee Just like a wasp with a nice personality Bumblebee, bumblebee Some would say your overweight, well I disagree A black and yellow fuzzy spaceship with a humongous, great big hairy bum Thank you very much for the pollination. collecting nectar all summer long
32.
Woke up to an explosion. A flying saucer on my decking Like a Roswell Garden centre. The topiary is cream crackered. And I was planning to build a maze If it’s not too much to ask, get that spaceship off my grass UFO broke my patio get that spaceship off my gazebo Fuselage on hydrangea Gyroscope in water feature my Garden gnome has fallen over Charred remains of lawn mower Radioactive fat head minnow My shrubbery will never be the same While creosoting the larch lap on a very waspy afternoon, the goth android calculated giddiness from a blend of codswallop and two cans of medium strength robot lager. This tranquil picture was corrupted by the wreckage of an intergalactic spaceship in the vicinity of his rose garden, this left him both flummoxed and somewhat miffed. What is the etiquette for crash landing on private property? It was reminiscent of a squabble he had with a gormless elephantine pillock who lost his mind on a combination of space-dust, marmalade soldiers, and grotesque bacterial disillusionment. I digress. Everyone is walking around with a time machine inside their head
33.
The doors of the horticulturally displaced star cruiser made a sound like cheese swimming through twisted helical polymer chains and opened to reveal Godzilla, emperor of the dinosaurs with unspeakable moustaches. “I am being haunted by underwater ghosts” he roared whilst rubbing his salt and pepper mutton chops. And with that, 120673901 dinosaurs fell from the stars and made this world their own.
34.
King Caesar – backfire, dog head behemoth Minilla – scrappy doo, just a pinch of rubber Hedorah – lady eyes, asbestos pollution Mothra – a hurricane, beats her wings of thunder I know it’s a special effect, a Japanese bloke in latex But it’s still magic to me! Godzilla in the sky with x-ray eyes King Kong – Gorilla guy, climbs up skyscraper Rodan – pterosaur sleeps in a volcano Gidorah – Three headed, dragon from venus Orga – hunched back, from a UFO Let me take your hand, and run through this scary land God speed you fantastic monster!
35.
My life, it sucks so much, it’s a dreadful mess So, at night I read about Metamorphosis So tired of being a big fat zero I wanna be a superhero Take of my specs to show that I I am the brontosaurus Faster than cheetah pyjamas Bigger than a walrus toothbrush As strong as the mighty ferret I am the brontosaurus Sticky like a sticky insect Curvy as a pod of dolphins Wiser than a peregrine falcon I am the brontosaurus Sometimes I cringe about past awkwardness But now I dance about in fancy a dress, it’s been a great success! Wanna give the old me the elbow Live my life like there’s no tomorrow With Sancho Panza right by my side
36.
Godzilla, The Emperor of the Dinosaurs with terrifying whiskers witnessed this new world with weary eyes. Its natural abundance was satisfactory, but this new dinosaur population demanded infrastructure and extravagant consumer commodities. He commanded that his engineering cronies get to work and without much ado many wondrous contraptions materialised including sporks, the trombone, magic tree air fresheners, and a branch of Greggs the bakers in every hamlet. There was much rejoicing throughout the land!
37.
Just before the start of the fabulous and crazy cretaceous age when cold blood was fashionable A pink dinosaur appeared upon the stage Everybody was miserable so, she opened a club called Trixie d's They sang and sipped champaign disco night tonight with live strip tease And they danced all night on a rainbow sky cheek to cheek with a diplodocus guy Everyone loves burlesquing Everyone loves misbehaving Now all the brontosaurus, square and past it from the dino government They frowned upon dancing feather boas and outrageous merriment But when no one’s watching they sneak in through the backfire doors ‘Cause even the bureaucrats want to party all night at Madam Trixie Delors
38.
Shimmy to the left, shimmy to the right Boogie on down the dance hall tonight Thagomizer out Thagomizer in Lift your tail up and do us a spin He’ll come and stomp on you Ya tiny mind goes to mush Jump up and down on you Broken bones turn to dust Spikey tail Up, spikey tail down These guys never mess around Dermal plates off, dermal plates on 3 tons of vegetarian I kissed a dinosaur and I liked it very much I licked a brontosaur it tasted like blancmange Stegosaurus underwear Stegosaurus smell Stegosaurus dentures Stegosaurus socks Stegosaurus and chips Stegosaurus with one eye Stegosaurus in Poundland
39.
40.
This songs about mammoths in case you couldn't tell And if you don’t like mammoths it aint gonna go very well Cause we dig mammoths, lovely cuddly mammoths Cause we dig mammoths, lovely cuddly woolly mammoths
41.
Joseph Merrick is awoken by the sound of two pterodactyls bickering over a Sha-nag cadaver. His cranium fuzzy from dust, surrounded by a decaying dinosaur culture. The rivers are lined with discarded fast-food containers. A plastic bag incarcerated by hawthorn and tortured by the wind into a grimy banderol. The acrid spiky air strips all colours from the landscape, washed-out gloss and saccharin cheapness. He reminisces about a simpler space-time continuum and resolves to jump to the next dimension.
42.
Congratulation on your purchase of the Greggs SR1 time machine, a state-of-the-art temporal displacement device designed for billions of years of effortless operation. Your friends at Greggs interdimensional travel services want you to responsibly enjoy your time machine, so kindly observe the following instructions for its safe operation. To construct your time apparatus, please follow the instructions on pages 17 to 36 of the user guide. it is advised that the ancillary photon accumulator is attached to the polyhedral tesla mount prior to fitting the sequential quantiser. Any attempts to contact an earlier version of yourself will invalidate this warranty. Spaghettification, gamma ray bursts, or red wine stains are also not covered. Do not time travel under the influence of alcohol, space dust or antipsychotic medication. When in contact with entities comprised of pure energy please try to be nice. Due to the inherent randomness of most universes, it may be wise to wear a bowler hat when exiting this machine. Unfortunately, this time machine is not wheelchair accessible. The assassination of the grandparents of historical dictators may result in greater future loss of life. Under no circumstances should jelly be transported in your time machine. Please ensure that all dentures are secured prior to use. For further details please consult the operational manual
43.
All living things will protect themselves when attacked, and solar systems are no exception. The instability caused by the dinosaur’s excessive demands for synthetic leather trousers could not be sustained without damage to the planet’s atmosphere. Industrial fumes cough over the landscape suffocating voles and staining rivers burnt sienna. The natives of this sickly sphere are too self-obsessed to notice another small dot shimmering in the dusky sky, nature was preparing to press control-alt-delete.
44.
Because where flying around a spinning sun The moon creeps over the horizon The shimmering rays of yesterday’s rain oh, mother nature has gone insane It’s a total eclipse of the sun Its scaring everyone, there's nowhere left to run So, go to your safe and happy place Put a pillow on your face, find someone to embrace The planets waltz in a cosmic dance Is this real or happenstance? The dungeon walls are an animation are we just pixels in a simulation? This is the future, and it is rubbish To many plastic bags washed up on the shore Were trapped inside mathematics The cell divides and it builds a dinosaur The designer is psychotic He can see the tree, deep inside the acorn
45.
Meteorite 04:36
We sat and watched a meteorite crimson satellite in the sky I’d forgotten all those sleepless nights waiting for your lullaby Well, it’s not the end of the world just the ebbing of our tide Smoking cigarettes in the acid rain Buried in a landslide, a landslide She melts into the wilderness and sadly, whispered goodbye Don’t forget you are the universe and I’ll see you the other side, the other side Life is short and full of joy and then out the blue, comes an asteroid
46.
And in the end, all that remains is a scarred and grimy world. Dust maelstroms sliver over volcanos, strangling the evening and freezing the sun to the horizon. The endless void soaks into grottos and blankets the mesa. This darkness contaminates the cerebellum of the pterodactyl and the wilting tyrannosaurus. Godzilla and the goth robot join hands and slowly submerge into the blustery ocean, they hibernate. The elephant man stumbles haplessly across a dying neutron star as the octopi slumber. The moon is an impassive sentinel, the simulation continues to run on the hyper quantum computer within its core. Coefficients are analysed, the smog dissipates, and time reverses until the biosphere is restored once again. In a burrow a vole has a lucid dream about interstellar space travel, this is now his world. Godspeed you fantastic monster!
47.
Don't wanna live on this planet anymore said the fish to the Chimpanzee We did fine until the humans arrived We should have never left the sea Have you ever wondered where it all went wrong? We should have stayed up in the trees a belly full of wild fruit and nuts and at night the birds and bees Well, its ok, ‘cause everybody feels that way there're too scared to admit to you that they haven't got a clue Maybe evolution is upside down? and Mr Darwin got it wrong? we should be flying through outer space instead of making atom bombs Well, I am just a simple man And I don't know how to stop the war All I’ve got is this old guitar and some songs about dinosaurs I can dance on a rainbow And stretch my arms across the sea I’ll never forget my distant cousin The monkey who fell from the tree

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released February 2, 2022

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Dalmatian Rex and the Eigentones Leicester, UK

Dalmatian Rex and the Eigentones are Leicester's finest purveyor of weirdness since 1997. Their music is a combination of Paul Lunn’s of the wall lyrics backed by angular guitars and strange synths.

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